It was a drastic change of events for the new year........
I start to question my own capabilities and limits, maybe trying to pursue something isn't always the right thing, maybe some things are just not meant, maybe dreams should just remain as a dream, untainted.....
It was suppose to be a good year and I was certain of it but things arent looking good and i'm beginning to lose my faith......
All I can do now is hoping for the best.......this will not be the end, there is still a long way to go for me to explore, to seek, to experience and I hope with you, together we can see part of it regardless what's coming for the future...........
......at the end of the day, someone who will always be there for will guide you through.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I Never Told You
There are a lot of things that are left unsaid.........but I guess it is better this way
Au revoir mon amie, I'm gonna miss you......no matter where and when......
Because you have been a part of it :)
Au revoir mon amie, I'm gonna miss you......no matter where and when......
Because you have been a part of it :)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011, Another Year Another Growth
Just when u badly wish for 2011 to come, you realised you're missing 2010 now....humans, really a bunch of complex being, ppl said that an average human uses only 30% of his/her brain for the entire life, well i guess thats more than enough for my head to be cramped with all that deep thinking.
Yet another year come and go and now we're in 2011....if according to the prediction of doomsday at 2012, it will be well enough for me to treat this as the golden year and for that reason it is the time where new beginnings and options to be explore before my hair gets all pepper and salt (or before the world ends)
To sum up evrything that happened in 2010, it was really not a good year for me......well clear enough of what are they and clear enough to know what had to be expected in the coming year ahead......for the least.
Again, i have been thinking too much as i usually do all the time, something which i had tried to change but though, when you find that being yourself is actually the best part that could ever be, as everyone is born special in their own ways.
What do i really felt now at this moment? To be honest i felt lost......directions, focus, goals, ambitions, resolutions yes i have all of them but the vulnerability is always there....i guess it is just a safe mechanism to protect myself mentally.
But from all the pain and struggles that went thru in 2010, the most important thing i've learnt is a person cannot live in the past and there is no reason for that either. Karl Lagerfeld once said "If you want respect for your past, it means that you have a problem with your present and even more with your future".
And while lingering at the edge of 2010, allow me to be emo for one last time with this great number accompany with some alcohol and a puff.....
Wonderful moments comes with unforgettable memories and valuable experiences comes with great comings.
I'm ready 2011, it will be good i'm sure of it.......
Yet another year come and go and now we're in 2011....if according to the prediction of doomsday at 2012, it will be well enough for me to treat this as the golden year and for that reason it is the time where new beginnings and options to be explore before my hair gets all pepper and salt (or before the world ends)
To sum up evrything that happened in 2010, it was really not a good year for me......well clear enough of what are they and clear enough to know what had to be expected in the coming year ahead......for the least.
Again, i have been thinking too much as i usually do all the time, something which i had tried to change but though, when you find that being yourself is actually the best part that could ever be, as everyone is born special in their own ways.
What do i really felt now at this moment? To be honest i felt lost......directions, focus, goals, ambitions, resolutions yes i have all of them but the vulnerability is always there....i guess it is just a safe mechanism to protect myself mentally.
But from all the pain and struggles that went thru in 2010, the most important thing i've learnt is a person cannot live in the past and there is no reason for that either. Karl Lagerfeld once said "If you want respect for your past, it means that you have a problem with your present and even more with your future".
And while lingering at the edge of 2010, allow me to be emo for one last time with this great number accompany with some alcohol and a puff.....
Wonderful moments comes with unforgettable memories and valuable experiences comes with great comings.
I'm ready 2011, it will be good i'm sure of it.......
Thursday, December 2, 2010
因为她是陳綺貞
and then I remember when she sang this that day, it was beautiful........
it makes me cry......
but it defnitely brought a smile and warmth to my heart :)
Go Cheer!!!
it makes me cry......
but it defnitely brought a smile and warmth to my heart :)
Go Cheer!!!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
There's nothin right or wrong........
It was a week of events which I will never forget for the rest of my life.........
When it went out of control, I couldnt remember what was happening, it feels like a roller coaster ride and when it ends, i realised my car was lying on its side, it got tumble down.......first thing I know i gotta get out of it, i'm glad i was conscious, a passerby came and help to pull me out.......everything just happens too fast, my mind was blank, for the first time I was really scare and panic, my first thought was to call him...............Dorothy and her dad came after they got my call and rush me to the nearest medical centre as there were blood all over my right arm but lucky those are very superficial cuts........and then again i see my car gettin towed away, i didnt even have the courage to take a good last look at it. It was few days of trauma with nightmares and recollection of the moment when it happen.....I couldnt sleep well, I felt vulnerable and helpless.........but I'm truly grateful that I'm still alive as the accident could have really gone worst, it will always be a lesson to remember.
When children grew up, someday they will leave their parents, that is a saying which i've heard from small but yesterday what i've seen is a mother who couldn't bear to see her son leave her after staying together for more than 50 years. It was disheartening to see Dad breaking the news about moving out to a new house to Gran, she was calm at first but I can see from her eyes that she is holding it back.........she finally breakdown and i followed her to her room, I dont know what to say to her.......for some reason I was angry with Mum and Dad but then I respect their decision as they are my parents. Gran was holding my hands so tightly and I can see her suffering inside yet all I could do is ask her not to be sad as we are still here........I know i told a lie, somehow it is never the same after getting used to stay under the same roof for more than 50 yrs with uncle, auntie and cousins, all she ever wanted is a big happy family together......
I hated this feeling, i hate goodbyes, i hated when people leave, I hate to see my Gran so sad.........I truly understand how she felt and then I remember the day when you leave, u told me u're still here but i know it will never be the same anymore. Everyday i hope that the door might open and you came in tellin me you're home and I see the weary face on you after work but you always gives me back a smile which lightens up my day.........i'm still as foolish it seems.
Before I leave for KL, Gran was telling me our room will remain as the way it was so that we can come back whenever we wanted or visit her.....tears flow down from her eyes.
From then on, i promised myself that I must try my best not to break people's heart by leaving them.......
When problems come, they come altogether, i hope i can overcome all these, it just seems nothing good happens and its getting worst, gotta be more optimistic about the things that will come and I seriously hope this year ends as soon as it can. I know it will be a good 2011 ahead for me.........I sincerely wish for it.
Everything happens for a reason......
When it went out of control, I couldnt remember what was happening, it feels like a roller coaster ride and when it ends, i realised my car was lying on its side, it got tumble down.......first thing I know i gotta get out of it, i'm glad i was conscious, a passerby came and help to pull me out.......everything just happens too fast, my mind was blank, for the first time I was really scare and panic, my first thought was to call him...............Dorothy and her dad came after they got my call and rush me to the nearest medical centre as there were blood all over my right arm but lucky those are very superficial cuts........and then again i see my car gettin towed away, i didnt even have the courage to take a good last look at it. It was few days of trauma with nightmares and recollection of the moment when it happen.....I couldnt sleep well, I felt vulnerable and helpless.........but I'm truly grateful that I'm still alive as the accident could have really gone worst, it will always be a lesson to remember.
When children grew up, someday they will leave their parents, that is a saying which i've heard from small but yesterday what i've seen is a mother who couldn't bear to see her son leave her after staying together for more than 50 years. It was disheartening to see Dad breaking the news about moving out to a new house to Gran, she was calm at first but I can see from her eyes that she is holding it back.........she finally breakdown and i followed her to her room, I dont know what to say to her.......for some reason I was angry with Mum and Dad but then I respect their decision as they are my parents. Gran was holding my hands so tightly and I can see her suffering inside yet all I could do is ask her not to be sad as we are still here........I know i told a lie, somehow it is never the same after getting used to stay under the same roof for more than 50 yrs with uncle, auntie and cousins, all she ever wanted is a big happy family together......
I hated this feeling, i hate goodbyes, i hated when people leave, I hate to see my Gran so sad.........I truly understand how she felt and then I remember the day when you leave, u told me u're still here but i know it will never be the same anymore. Everyday i hope that the door might open and you came in tellin me you're home and I see the weary face on you after work but you always gives me back a smile which lightens up my day.........i'm still as foolish it seems.
Before I leave for KL, Gran was telling me our room will remain as the way it was so that we can come back whenever we wanted or visit her.....tears flow down from her eyes.
From then on, i promised myself that I must try my best not to break people's heart by leaving them.......
When problems come, they come altogether, i hope i can overcome all these, it just seems nothing good happens and its getting worst, gotta be more optimistic about the things that will come and I seriously hope this year ends as soon as it can. I know it will be a good 2011 ahead for me.........I sincerely wish for it.
Everything happens for a reason......
Monday, August 30, 2010
If.....
All these times, it seems like I have just been lying to myself......been trying to make myself busy, getting involved in activities, taking up courses and hanging out often with friends, they are just an act to deceive myself.......if only i can leave this place.....
Just when you thought you could have let go, you realized that you never actually did at all......
Seeing the smile on her face was the happiest thing which I haven seen for a while.......at that moment, how i wish time could stop, how i wish i could hold her in my arms.......if i could just see her more often, so much to tell her, so much to do together........No words can describe how much I miss her
But it doesnt make any difference now, I know there is nothin can be done, it is never the same if you dont feel it too like the way i feel.....
Even at this point, i still wait and hope for the slightest chance.......all i can do is hope and wait
The truth is, I never stop crossing my heart......
Just when you thought you could have let go, you realized that you never actually did at all......
Seeing the smile on her face was the happiest thing which I haven seen for a while.......at that moment, how i wish time could stop, how i wish i could hold her in my arms.......if i could just see her more often, so much to tell her, so much to do together........No words can describe how much I miss her
But it doesnt make any difference now, I know there is nothin can be done, it is never the same if you dont feel it too like the way i feel.....
Even at this point, i still wait and hope for the slightest chance.......all i can do is hope and wait
The truth is, I never stop crossing my heart......
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